you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
