My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
