i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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