I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
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You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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