Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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