It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
