I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I think my moral compass just broke
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
