I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
She announced her abortion via fbk
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
