I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
