I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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