Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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