so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
