who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I have aggressive nipples.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
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