You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
