There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
