I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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