You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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