when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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