that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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