you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
