so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
