you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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