Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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