he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
