Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
