I hope mine doesn't look like that
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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