i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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