i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.