worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
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His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
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I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH