He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.