gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
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I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
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He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...