i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie