Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
19 Utterly Perfect Responses To ‘Send Nudes’ Texts
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.