Kiss
Puke
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
She's not a foreskin expert like you
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
