I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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