i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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