before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Randomize
