Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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