Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
