My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
