Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
