You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
