He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
