How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
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