If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize