You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
