dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Randomize
