Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
