I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
time to smoke my breakfast
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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