one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm always down for nudity.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
