I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
