Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I'm just crazy horny about you
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
