His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
wow bdsm is so cute
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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