I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize