He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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