I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
