i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
