if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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