You just made me feel so damn special
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
