I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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