Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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