I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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