Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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