I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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