guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
