Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
