halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
