What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
