Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
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