i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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