what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
