I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
