There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
