I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
