did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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