Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
