take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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