Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Operation Purity has been aborted
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
We need to get me chipped asap
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
